


Behaving strangely

by raisedtokeepquiet



Category: Eurovision Song Contest RPF, Festival di Sanremo RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessing Feelings, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 17:51:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15491376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raisedtokeepquiet/pseuds/raisedtokeepquiet
Summary: This weekend is going to be the time Ermal finally tells Fabrizio about what he really feels for him. He's almost sure Fabrizio feels the same way, it will be fine. But first he spends to time with Anita, and what she tells him crushes all his hopes. He can only run away now, and hide.





	Behaving strangely

**Author's Note:**

  * For [joe_cool](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joe_cool/gifts).



So Fabri and Ermal were not together. _Yet_ , if it was up to Ermal, because he finally realized that these feelings he'd been having... those were definitely homo. And he was sometimes so sure that Fabri felt the same. But still, he doubted, because there was this amazing friendship that he definitely did not want to ruin. And those two children he had come to love a lot - what would it do to them if he and Fabri.... grew apart? So he was just pining away as he'd been doing for a while, evading questions at interviews with the standard 'we're just good friends, almost brothers', though each time he said it he could actually feel his heart cracking a bit more.

But he kept analyzing every little thing Fabrizio did. Whenever they met - which wasn't often, unfortunately, with their tours and all, he catalogued each touch, each gaze, each word, each gesture. Slowly, ever so slowly, he was becoming more secure that Fabri might actually return his feelings. And so he made a plan, he would say something before the end of the year. He could do this. He could be brave, he knew what he was doing, he had things under control. Finally, he allowed himself to hope that Fabri felt the same. It was in the small gestures, a lingering touch, a lingering look when really he should be paying attention to something else. Sometimes, from the corner of his eye, Ermal could see Fabri reaching for him, but stopping at the last minute. Or he seemed to choke on his words. It just gave him hope. And confidence. This would work out.

And really, soon would be the perfect time to tackle this particular question. He'd been spending some time at Fabri's house in Rome, because they had some events and some interviews, and some free time. So why not? Maybe this weekend, when the children would be at Giada's, and he and Fabri would be alone. It would be perfect, wouldn't it?

For now though, he was out with Anita, because he'd promised her to take her to the children's farm and playground. She'd been running around all day, and now they were sitting on a shady patch of grass with a gelato, just talking.

Suddenly, Anita said: "Papa has been acting strange, lately."

"Has he?" Ermal asked, intrigued.

"Yes. He is constantly forgetting things, like he is saying something and then he'll stop and just stare into space. He's been staring a lot. And he has this weird smile sometimes."

“Hmm, does he?" Ermal just answered, trying to think of possible explanations. And well, he knew one, but was really too good to be true though, wasn't it? But then, he was so sure. Sometimes.

"Yes. It's weird. He's not like himself, he used to be a lot more fun. But also more grumpy, so it's actually nice" Anita said, busy eating her ice cream

"It's nice?" Ermal just echoed, trying to get more information but not sure what to ask exactly

"You know what mama says?"

"What does your mama say?"

"She says papa is in love!"

Ermal's heart stopped. In love? So it was true? He hadn't been imagining things? Butterflies swarmed his stomach and he could barely swallow. This weekend he was going to talk to Fabri. Defnitely.

Anita continued happily, "She says that I might get a new mom, if he's serious about it. But I don't want a new mom. I have a really nice one, why would I want another one, uncle Ermal?"

A new mom - that meant... a woman? Fabri was in love with a woman? He assumed Giada would know, she'd known him longer than Ermal had.

"She might be really nice," he told Anita absentmindedly, trying to keep his emotions under control. So hopeful as he'd been only a minute ago, so dark were his thoughts now. Fabrizio had probably met some nice woman, at a party maybe, or in a cafe, or who knows, a single mom from school. How could he have been so sure of himself? They were just friends ( _brothers almost_ ), and with that thought he felt his heart breaking.

"Come on, Anita, let's go home," he told the little girl, who had no clue what was going on and how she'd just singlehandedly taken all his hopes away. She skipped happily next to him, chattering about this and that, but Ermal didn't pay attention. He could only focus on putting one foot in front of the other, trying not to fall apart, to break down in tears.

They made their way home, and Ermal was in despair. How would he survive a whole weekend alone with Fabri? The answer sprang up in his head. He wouldn't. He just wouldn't make it. He had to get out of here, somehow. But how?

That evening, Ermal was uncharacteristically silent and gloomy. Fabrizio was a bit worried, but whatever he said or tried to do, only made it worse. He didn't know what to do. After the children had gone to bed, Ermal couldn't make it long before he decided that he too was going to head to bed. Fabrizio just looked at him confused, even more worried. It wasn’t like Ermal to go to bed this early, he never slept until late anyway, so why lie in bed and stare at the ceiling? But he let him go, hoping that sleep would help and tomorrow would be back to normal.

And he was right, Ermal didn't sleep. Ermal was obsessively thinking about everything, mostly cursing himself for being so foolish, to let his feelings get the better of him. And also thinking of a way to go back home, to escape this house with all the what if's and ruined possibilities.

At around 2 am he did the only thing he could think of. He texted his mother, not wanting to wake her, he knew she was going to be worried when she saw the time - she knew he wasn't performing and it was just a normal week night - but he really wanted to go home. He wanted nothing more than to disappear, be a child again who could listen to it mother saying that everything would be all right and that he could change his stars and that he was strong enough to face everything. He needed her right now, because he knew that at this moment he could not change anything and he was definitely not strong enough to face Fabrizio for days to come.

So the next morning, he told Fabrizio at breakfast that his mother had called saying she wasn't feeling very well, and his siblings were busy so if he could please come home for a bit, if he had nothing else to do. Fabrizio looked at Ermal suspiciously, this story didn't seem right, but he could hardly forbid his friend to visit his mom and force him to stay at his house. So he let Ermal go.

Ermal had thought that the distance would help, but somehow it didn't. Not at all. Each kilometer that he got away from Fabri, he felt in his soul. He wanted nothing more than stay with him, if he could, but not like this, he couldn't watch Fabrizio fall in love with someone else.

When he finally got home, and parked his car in the driveway, his mom was rushing to the door as soon as she heard the car.

"Ermal, what is wrong?"

For a few minutes, Ermal tried to be strong, to pretend everything was all right, but he knew he couldn't fool his mother, and to be honest, he really didn't want to. So, sitting on the couch next to her, he told her the whole story. She knew about Fabri, of course she did, but she didn't know the extent of his feelings, and now everything that Anita told him. Ermal was crying, he felt so foolish, he felt like a teenager who had his heart broken for the first time - actually it felt worse than that, because he couldn't remember ever crying this much, let alone next to his mom, about a broken heart

Ermal’s mother did her best to comfort him, but she knew that it was pretty futile, only time could heal her son's heart. That, or a miracle.

Meanwhile Fabri was going crazy trying to think what had gone wrong. Had he done something? Had he said something? Something to make Ermal act like the sun would never come up again and hide and run away? He thought back, and yesterday morning everything had been fine, they had had breakfast, joked with the kids, Ermal had laughed, he had smiled that bright bright smile of his. After that, he had taken Anita to the park and when they came back he'd behaved so distantly. Had something happened in the park? Anita seemed fine. Anita was fine, right?

It was just some time before Giada would pick up the children, and Anita was playing in her room. Fabrizio went up to her and sat next to her.

"Anita, can I ask you some things? Did you have fun yesterday in the park with uncle Ermal?"

"Yes papa, it was so nice! We went to the farm and there were baby goats, they were so cute - can we have a baby goat?"

"No my dear, we cannot have a baby goat. Baby goats get really big and they eat everything. You wouldn’t want your princess dresses to be eaten, right? What else did you do?"

"I played in the playground, and uncle Ermal pushed me on the swings, and I went really high! And then we got gelato and we just talked."

Fabrizio was at a loss, this all seemed fine. Then what had gone wrong?

"Do you... Was Ermal okay? Did he say anything about how he felt?"

"No? He was just like always. We actually talked about you!"

"About me? What did you talk about?"

Anita just giggled in response "I don't want to tell you."

"Please amore, can you tell me? I won't be angry and I won't be upset."

"I told him you were acting really strangely lately."

"Strangely?"

"Yes, mama says you are in love"

Fabrizio's heart stopped.

"She does?”

"Yes. she also said that I might get a new mom. Papa, I don't want a new mom, can you please stop being in love?"

"You wouldn't get a new mom, my love"

Fabrizio's thoughts were just spinning away from him. Ermal had started acting like this after talking with Anita about him being weird, being in love. Was that what upset him?  But why would it? Was he afraid that Fabri would spend less time with him, or not let him spend as much time with the children? Ermal always told him how much he liked that.

The truth was, Fabrizio was in love, yes, Giada had guessed that correctly from the children's descriptions. But not with a woman. How could he, when he had this perfect man walking around, smart, kind, funny, beautiful, loving, great with the children, perfect in every way?

Wait.

Something clicked in place. Fabrizio remembered all his favourite moments from the past months. The looks. The touches. He had told himself he was just imagining things, that Ermal didn't feel the same, he was just projecting his feelings. But what if he hadn't? What if everything had been the two of them? What if they both had the same wishes, the same hopes? And what if Anita, with her careless talk about new moms, had crushed those hopes on Ermal's side?

It would explain a lot, but Fabrizio hesitated - was this the real explanation or was this just more wishful thinking?

On the other hand, could this get worse? His best friend had basically run away from him with a easily seen through excuse. So Fabrizio made up his mind. As soon as the children were at Giada's, he would take the car and drive across the country. He just hoped that Ermal was at his mother's place, as he had said. But Ermal was also by car, it made only sense that he was there, he would not have driven to Milan.

So hours later, Fabrizio finally arrived in Bari, sighing of relief when he saw Ermal’s car in the driveway to his mother's house. It was late, later than he'd planned, but traffic around Rome had been awful and he hadn't been able to catch up when driving through the country side. He should really wait till tomorrow, this was not a polite time to call. What if Ermal's mother really was ill? But then, he couldn't imagine waiting any longer, he just wanted to know, he had to see Ermal.

So he parked the car and got out, again hesitating before he rang the bell. He was suddenly so nervous, what if this was the worst idea he'd ever had? After what felt like an eternity, he saw a light go on on in the hallway and heard a key turn in the lock. The door slowly swung open, just  a little bit, to reveal Ermal's mother. Not sick then, that was good. For her, at least, Fabri didn't want to imagine what Ermal had felt that he had lied to him.

Swallowing heavily, he managed, "Good evening, I'm sorry to call so late. Is Ermal here? I'd really like to speak with him."

Ermal's mother just looked at him, the expression in her eyes told him nothing, except that she knew exactly what was going on. It didn’t help with his nerves.

"Please, ma'am."

Sighing softly, Ermal's mother opened the door completely.

"He's in the study. Please be kind to him."

Fabrizio didn't really know what he should do with that request - of course he was going to be kind to Ermal - what had he told his mom? He made his way through the hallway, hearing soft notes of a piano being played. In the doorway, he paused, watching Ermal, who was playing with his back towards the door. The music sounded so sad - and were those tears on his cheeks? God what had happened?

Fabrizio stepped forward, and the floor of the study creaked. Ermal froze, and slowly turned around.

"Bizio?" he whispered, eyes unreadable, and yes, those were tears.

"Ermal," Fabrizio breathed, not knowing how to start.

"Why are you here?" Ermal asked, a bit rudely. Fabrizio couldn't blame him, he was at his most vulnerable, and if his assumptions were correct (were they?) he was the reason Ermal was so sad.

"I was worried about you. I talked to Anita, and she told me what you had been talking about yesterday. Who, rather."

Ermal just looked at him, so Fabrizio could do nothing else than struggle on.

"She told me that she told you that Giada said that I'm in love?"

God fabri, couldn't you have picked a clearer way to say that. confusion was not going to help, he mentally scolded himself.

"And that Anita should prepare for getting a new mom?"

Ermal nodded, and said "Yes, that's about the conversation that we had."

Fabrizio hated how closed he was, he really couldn't read anything.

"Um, well, I came to tell you that it isn't true. I mean I am in love –“

ow was it possible that Ermal's closed expression got even more closed? It broke Fabrizio's heart.

"I am in love, but not with a woman, definitely not with a woman. I wanted to do this differently, but-" Fabrizio slowly stepped forward, and he watched Ermal process his words. Finally some reaction, a sliver of hope? Maybe? God let it be hope, let this work out.

"Ermal, for some time know I realized that there is no one else I would rather spend my time with than you. I realized that while we might have started out as friends, my feelings for you definitely have changed. What I'm trying to say is, the person I feel in love with is - is you."

This was excruciating, waiting for Ermal to react. Fabrizio just stood there, not knowing if he should get closer to Ermal, take his hands maybe - though he longed to wipe those tears away.

"You... fell in love.. with me?" Ermal finally asked, incredulously.

Fabrizio could only nod.

"Then why did Giada tell Anita she'd get a new mom?"

"Because Giada obviously doesn't know who I fell for - she knows me well enough that she could figure out what was going on from what the children told her, but she doesn’t know that it's you. It will always be you."

Somehow, that answer made Ermal hug himself, crumpled, hiding his face - was he crying again? This is not the reaction Fabrizio had hoped for.

"Ermal? Please say something?"

"Fabri, you can't believe the emotional roller coaster I went through these past two days. I had allowed myself to hope, never more so than when Anita told me you were in love. But then she said it was with a woman and I just- all my hopes got destroyed just like that. But I couldn't let her know, I still had to get her home and pretend nothing was going on. And then, I just couldn't face you, not alone, I had to get away, and now here you are, telling me this... My feelings can't keep up"

Ermal looked up with a weak smile, but Fabrizio was still dying inside. What Ermal was saying, he could draw conclusions from that, but he didn't want to draw his own conclusions, he wanted Ermal to speak clearly, he needed him to speak clearly.

"So then, you... feel the same?"

"Oh, yes"

Fabrizio couldn't believe his ears. He finally crossed the remainder of the room and took Ermal's hands, pulling him up.

"Do you mean that?"

"Bizio, yes, I’ve been in love with you for months now - I didn't want to tell you because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, I wasn't sure - well I almost, was, I was going to talk to you this weekend, when the children had left, but then..."

"Ermal?'

"Yes?"

"Can I kiss you now?"

Ermal didn't reply, but leaned in, and finally, finally, their lips touched, and it was even better than either of them had imagined. They surfaced from the kiss, smiling, and Fabri finally could wipe Ermal's tears away.


End file.
